Ignoring Your Inner Voice

Image

 

In traffic, we come across signs every single day. Sometimes we pay attention and sometimes we don’t. To some of us, the big red sign with the letters, S T O P is a stop sign. For others, it is a “slow down” sign. “No U turn” can be interpreted as “No U turn when you see the cops.” And 60 miles an hour can mean anything from 65 -90, depending on who you talk to.

Every single morning, the right side of my car almost gets taken off by drivers who interpret the sign telling them to “yield” as a green light. It’s huge, it’s red, and it even accompanies another small yellow sign next to it that says, “No merge area.” Still, most drivers pay absolutely no attention to the sign. And every other week, I drive past an accident.

Traffic signs are no different from the signs we see in relationships. We choose to see them or not see them. And they are all open to interpretation. Some signs are subtle and can be explained away. They show up like a sun shower in July and then disappear. Others are not so subtle. They resemble wrinkles on our finger tips from staying in a relationship too long. They can be loud and glaring and yet we can still tell ourselves to ignore them or make them into something they are not.

Our conscience is our brain’s way of trying to lead us in the right direction. Sinking feelings, nerves, anxiety… those are all a way for your sixth sense to quietly tap you on the shoulder and whisper in your ear, “Something doesn’t feel right.”

Unfortunately, most of us try our best to ignore our inner voice in relationships. There are hundreds of ways that we do that; Keeping ourselves busy with work, pouring ourselves into our children, straying away or cutting off friends and family, going out, substance abuse, taking up hobbies…anything and everything to prevent our brains from having a quiet moment to breathe and consider possibilities. As long as we can cloud our inner voice or keep it busy, then we won’t have to listen to it….or so we think.

Listening to your inner voice is the key to finding happiness. When you ignore it, you suppress not only your “Something doesn’t feel right” voice, but you also suppress inner peace, happiness, and comfort. You exchange all of that for temporary peace and temporary happiness that comes to you in small doses. What ‘doesn’t feel right’ still catches up to you, whether it is in your dreams, through the voices of your children, friends, or family, or in the moments when you are sitting in the same room as your significant other and still feel lonely.

Take a moment, breathe, and listen to your voice. You can’t ever outrun her/him. You can only try.

 

Have you ever ignored your inner voice? Tell me about it.

7 Ways You Can Be A Better Partner

Image

If you have found the man or woman of your dreams, then it is perfectly normal for you to want to become a better partner – in the end, the most difficult thing isn’t to find somebody you are compatible with, but to keep the “passion flame” burning over the years. Unfortunately, many couples fail to do that, and this happens mainly due to the lack of communication. If you want to become a better partner, this means you appreciate the presence of your significant other and you do not want to lose him or her. Having said that, here are 7 ways you can be a better partner:

1. Never Rush Things

This is a common issue that can make a relationship fail even before it starts. While it is true that you must show your significant other love and compassion, you must also make sure to give him enough space and to avoid choking him with love. Remember, when you make yourself too available, the other one may simply lose interest.

It is important to let things flow – do not force things, to not be pushy and do not stress him or her with your constant wish of having somebody to keep you warm at night. If it is meant to happen, it certainly will. Be natural, be yourself and go with the flow!

2. Be An Optimist – People Love Positive Mindsets!

Nobody likes a pessimist or somebody with a dark, negative mind. If this is your case as well, then try to change your attitude – everything starts from your mindset. If you are a negative person you are prone to criticism and constant attack, and your boyfriend/girlfriend will eventually get tired of that.

On the other hand, if you are mature, positive and optimist and you make jokes and laugh a lot, the other one will certainly not get bored of you in the near future. The secret is to make your significant other want to spend more time around you. This is what lies at the foundation of a solid, love-filled and durable relationship or marriage. Also, don’t forget about the inside jokes that are the salt and pepper of every successful relationship!

Image

3. Stay On The Honest Side

Lack of honesty is undoubtedly one of the most common causes of divorces and break ups nowadays, this is why you must stay honest no matter what. There’s an old saying that goes like this “If you admit your mistake, it is half forgiven already”. In the end, keep in mind that it is a lot better if your better half finds out something directly from you, than from a “third party”. Stay true to who you are, and never forget that it is not shameful to apologize when you do something wrong! Stay honest, because regaining one’s trust once you lost it is one of the most difficult things in life.

4. Stay Attractive

Another common mistake many people tend to do when they enter a relationship or get married is that they simply stop paying attention to themselves: men stop going to the gym to look good, while women stop going to the salon because their significant other loves them just the way they are.

This is perfectly true, but at the same time it is essential to stay attractive to the other one. There is nothing wrong with being seductive every once in a while, and this applies both to men and to women – besides, you will be amazed to see how good this can make you feel and how much it will help your self-esteem!

5. Understand Each Other’s Need For Space

Last, but not least, it is important to understand that even if you two live under the same roof, every human being feels the need to be autonomous. This need does not refer only to spending some time alone, but also to the freedom of choice every individual needs when it comes to making personal decisions.

Image

6. Share Common Interests

Common interests are the “glue” of your relationship, they keep you together – the more interests you share, the better. However, if you have only a few things in common, you do not need to struggle to like your loved one’s passions or hobbies – all you need to do is to show some respect and understanding.

Does he love computer games? That is perfect, as long as he does not spend hours in front of the computer. Does she love shopping? That’s perfect as well, as long as she is a loving, caring girlfriend who understands your passions. Relationships are all about compromise, never forget that!

7. Communication Is The Key!

Communication is absolutely vital for the success of every relationship or marriage – after all, if you are unable to discuss with the one you share your bed with, with whom are you supposed to talk then? Keep an open mind and show availability when it comes to approaching a variety of topics – don’t be afraid to talk about intimate things as well.

That Loving Feeling Takes a Lot of Work

Image

When people fall in love and decide to marry, the expectation is nearly always that love and marriage and the happiness they bring will last; as the vows say, till death do us part. Only the most cynical among us would think, walking down the aisle, that if things don’t work out, “We can always split.”

But the divorce rate in the United States is half the marriage rate, and that does not bode well for this cherished institution.

While some divorces are clearly justified by physical or emotional abuse, intolerable infidelity, addictive behavior or irreconcilable incompatibility, experts say many severed marriages seem to have just withered and died from a lack of effort to keep the embers of love alive.

I say “embers” because the flame of love — the feelings that prompt people to forget all their troubles and fly down the street with wings on their feet — does not last very long, and cannot if lovers are ever to get anything done. The passion ignited by a new love inevitably cools and must mature into the caring, compassion and companionship that can sustain a long-lasting relationship.

Studies by Richard E. Lucas and colleagues at Michigan State University have shown that the happiness boost that occurs with marriage lasts only about two years, after which people revert to their former levels of happiness — or unhappiness.

Infatuation and passion have even shorter life spans, and must evolve into “companionate love, composed more of deep affection, connection and liking,” according to Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside.

In her new book, “The Myths of Happiness,” Dr. Lyubomirsky describes a slew of research-tested actions and words that can do wonders to keep love alive.

She points out that the natural human tendency to become “habituated” to positive circumstances — to get so used to things that make us feel good that they no longer do — can be the death knell of marital happiness. Psychologists call it “hedonic adaptation”: things that thrill us tend to be short-lived.

So Dr. Lyubomirsky’s first suggestion is to adopt measures to avert, or at least slow down, the habituation that can lead to boredom and marital dissatisfaction. While her methods may seem obvious, many married couples forget to put them into practice.

Building Companionship

Steps to slow, prevent or counteract hedonic adaptation and rescue a so-so marriage should be taken long before the union is in trouble, Dr. Lyubomirsky urges. Her recommended strategies include making time to be together and talk, truly listening to each other, and expressing admiration and affection.

Dr. Lyubomirsky emphasizes “the importance of appreciation”: count your blessings and resist taking a spouse for granted. Routinely remind yourself and your partner of what you appreciate about the person and the marriage.

Also important is variety, which is innately stimulating and rewarding and “critical if we want to stave off adaptation,” the psychologist writes. Mix things up, be spontaneous, change how you do things with your partner to keep your relationship “fresh, meaningful and positive.”

Novelty is a powerful aphrodisiac that can also enhance the pleasures of marital sex. But Dr. Lyubomirsky admits that “science has uncovered precious little about how to sustain passionate love.” She likens its decline to growing up or growing old, “simply part of being human.”

Variety goes hand in hand with another tip: surprise. With time, partners tend to get to know each other all too well, and they can fall into routines that become stultifying. Shake it up. Try new activities, new places, new friends. Learn new skills together.

Although I’ve been a “water bug” my whole life, my husband could swim only as far as he could hold his breath. We were able to enjoy the water together when we both learned to kayak.

“A pat on the back, a squeeze of the hand, a hug, an arm around the shoulder — the science of touch suggests that it can save a so-so marriage,” Dr. Lyubomirsky writes. “Introducing more (nonsexual) touching and affection on a daily basis will go a long way in rekindling the warmth and tenderness.”

She suggests “increasing the amount of physical contact in your relationship by a set amount each week” within the comfort level of the spouses’ personalities, backgrounds and openness to nonsexual touch.

Positive Energy

A long-married friend recently told me that her husband said he missed being touched and hugged. And she wondered what the two of them would talk about when they became empty-nesters. Now is the time, dear friend, to work on a more mutually rewarding relationship if you want your marriage to last.

Support your partner’s values, goals and dreams, and greet his or her good news with interest and delight. My husband’s passion lay in writing for the musical theater. When his day job moved to a different city, I suggested that rather than looking for a new one, he pursue his dream. It never became monetarily rewarding, but his vocation fulfilled him and thrilled me. He left a legacy of marvelous lyrics for more than a dozen shows.

Even a marriage that has been marred by negative, angry or hurtful remarks can often be rescued by filling the home with words and actions that elicit positive emotions, psychology research has shown.

According to studies by Barbara L. Fredrickson, a social psychologist and professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, a flourishing relationship needs three times as many positive emotions as negative ones. In her forthcoming book, “Love 2.0,” Dr. Fredrickson says that cultivating positive energy everyday “motivates us to reach out for a hug more often or share and inspiring or silly idea or image.”

Dr. Lyubomirsky reports that happily married couples average five positive verbal and emotional expressions toward one another for every negative expression, but “very unhappy couples display ratios of less than one to one.”

To help get your relationship on a happier track, the psychologist suggests keeping a diary of positive and negative events that occur between you and your partner, and striving to increase the ratio of positive to negative.

She suggests asking yourself each morning, “What can I do for five minutes today to make my partner’s life better?” The simplest acts, like sharing an amusing event, smiling, or being playful, can enhance marital happiness.

Aaj tum bohut shiddat Se YaaD Ayehoo!!

Image

Aaj Bhi Yaad Aata Hai,

Woh Tera Muskurana,

Woh Mera Teri Aankhon Mein Dekhna,

Woh Tera Sharmana…

Woh Mera Tere Hath Ko Pakadna,

Woh Tera Jhooth Mooth Mein Akadna,

Woh Tera Naraaz Hone Ka Karna Bahana,

Woh Mera Tujhe Bade Pyar Se Manana…

Woh Mera Teri Aankhon Mein Dekhna,

Woh Tera Mere Seene Se Lag Jaana,

Woh Mera Tujhe Tang Karna,

Woh Mera Jaan Boojh Ker Tujhe Satana…

Woh Mera Tere Saamne

Kissi Doosri Ladki Ki Jaan Ker Tareef Karna,

Woh Tera Phir Mujhse Rooth Jaana,

Phir Mera Tujhe Apni Baahon Mein Bharna…

Nahi Reh Sakti Jaan Aapke Bin,

Yeh Pyar Se Tera Mujhe Kehna,

I Love U ……….. keh ke

Mere Seene Se Lage Rehna…

Woh Apni Badi Badi Aankhon

Se Tera Mote Mote Aansoon Girana,

Woh Mera Tere Aansunon Ko Ponch Ker

Apne Dil Ka Haal Batana…

Kaliyon Si Masoom Hai Tu,

Issiliye Teri Parwah Karta Hoon,

Nahi Daanta Karta Kabhi Dil Se Tujhe,

Bas Uper Se Hi Gussa Karta Hoon

Aaj tum bohut shiddat Se YaaD Ayehoo…..!!

MY FRIEND

“The silence slices through my soul with surgical precision and leaves me full of doubts and fears and painful indecision. I cannot read between the lines but sense that something’s wrong I really need to feel you near back here where you belong. My heart measures our distance with strength and depth of ache your absence slowly killing me I pray the strings don’t break. Yet here I sit and wait for you to find your way back home to complete the heart that beats for you, I’m nothing, on my own.”

A Loving Heart

Image

What is love? Are there dif­fer­ent types of love?  Love impacts dif­fer­ent depths of our hearts. Love for cer­tain foods or deserts. Can this be love? Love can be feel­ings of com­pan­ion­ship and inti­macy. There are many depths of love we expe­ri­ence. Sim­ple joy­ful love of cer­tain foods, music, nature, etc. The most desired heart feel­ings are love and inti­macy. Many of you are now ques­tion­ing why can’t I have these desired heart-felt feelings.Perhaps you are ques­tion­ing if some­one clos­est to you really loves or loved you.  Pas­sions in life derive from desires of love. How can feel­ings so deep-rooted in our hearts be described lit­er­ally? Well let’s attempt to touch the sur­face and get the thought process going……………….

  • Ages 1-5   We are able to feel/experience emo­tions but lack rea­son­ing abil­ity to ana­lyze emo­tions or con­se­quences of our emotions
  • Ages 6-12  These years pass with a blink of our eyes.  These are the ages we tend to idol­ize our par­ents or idol­ize friends par­ents or rela­tion­ships.  We seek accep­tance from our imme­di­ate fam­ily.  We seek honor, love, com­pas­sion and wor­thi­ness.  Yes we seek these all our lives but our most vul­ner­a­ble years are dur­ing this time and it can define our val­ues later in life or hin­der the val­ues we so des­per­ately seek.  Puberty, hor­monal changes and self-image come into play as we try to find our­selves through these changes.  Imag­ine if we don’t feel accepted by our fam­ily or have endured pain or abuse from our fam­ily how dev­as­tated we can become at this age!
  • Ages 13-16  Dur­ing these years we are very ana­lyt­i­cal and over ratio­nal­ize and ana­lyze events that have taken place or cur­rent events.  We may idol­ize “John” or “Sue” and want to “fit in” with peers and be accepted.  Social pres­sures in school, peer pres­sure, sex­ual exper­i­men­ta­tion, alco­hol, recre­ational drugs and all other social pres­sures become preva­lent.  We are try­ing to find our own iden­ti­ties and peer pres­sures and social pres­sures are over­whelm­ing.  Should any major life issues, abuse or chal­lenges occur we tend to turn to the social accep­tances even eas­ier.  These social pres­sures such as drugs, alco­hol and sex mask our prob­lems and tend to cre­ate more problems.
  • Ages 17-18  We tend to think we know every­thing.  We ques­tion those with author­ity.  We think we are adults or become rebellious.

Not every child will fall into these exact exam­ples but you may under­stand how impres­sion­able we are dur­ing dif­fer­ent age brack­ets and how will­ing we are towards expand­ing our thought processes.  Now imag­ine if you came from a sin­gle par­ent envi­ron­ment, abu­sive home, bul­lied in school or your first sex­ual expe­ri­ence left emo­tional scares and wounds. How does your age affect and influ­ence your pas­sions and desires from the heart and what love means to you.  As we grow our val­ues, thoughts and desires change so does our mean­ing and desires for love.  Per­haps this is why when we become vic­tims dur­ing these ages we build walls around our hearts to pro­tect these painful and hurt feel­ings.  When we build these walls at such a young age when our minds and hearts are most recep­tive we become all the more vic­tims of our­selves as we har­bor and man­i­fest these painful feel­ings over many years.  Some peo­ple still har­bor these pains, per­haps out of shame, guilt or feel­ings of being inad­e­quate.  What have we really done by per­form­ing emo­tional feel­ings?  We have takenown­er­ship and become con­sumed by these feel­ings.  How can you truth­fully take own­er­ship for pain some­one has inflicted upon you, you didn’t do the actions or events nor were you deserv­ing of these events. I am not say­ing it is wrong to have feel­ings but our abil­ity to ana­lyze and process these feel­ings and abu­sive events is severely jeop­ar­dized by our emo­tions and thought processes dur­ing dif­fer­ent age brack­ets. Stay tuned…..